Naruto Forever!
by derp for brains
Summary: Naruto and company have some unfortunate mishaps when they take a month long vacation, etc. There's also some uninvited guests, Sakura tries to get Naruto and Ino together, and Kiba has a few misunderstandings in trying to earn Hinata's love.


**Naruto Forever!**

**Chapter One – **Trip to the Beach

* * *

"Err, _this _is what we're _all_ going to be travelling in?" Naruto asked, rubbing the back of his head at the exceptionally large vehicle. He and most everyone else was in casual clothing, the exception being Gai and Lee, with just a black shirt with a spiral on the front and a pair of blue shorts.

"Yep," Asuma took another drag of his cigarette. He wore a pair of sunglasses with an orange, Hawaiian themed shirt and a pair of white trunks. "Sure, it might look small on the _outside_, but… Why don't you kids just take a look for yourselves?"

"Ookay!" Naruto was the first to march his way in, followed by Sasuke and the rest of the genins and one chuunin. "WHOA! IS THIS A MAGIC TRICK OR SOMETHING?"

"YOWZA!"

"HOT DOG!"

"Back off, Chouji! You're not getting my dog this time!"

"Aw…"

Asuma chuckled to himself amusedly. "Well, chaperones, I guess it's time to head on out then!"

The other jounins nodded, boarding the RV as well.

The RV was very wide and spacious—on the _inside_, sporting two floors:

The first floor had a pretty typical setup; a driver's area at the front, a kitchen and lounge area in the middle, and a bathroom in the back.

A ladder was conveniently placed on the back of the driver's seat, leading up to the second floor, which was basically for sleeping in, since the ceiling was particularly low. The flooring for that particular area might as well have been a giant mattress with a square hole in it. There were several TVs lining its dark, red-brown cherry wood walls, along with a few video game systems scattered around for entertainment purposes and whatnot. A window was in the middle of the ceiling, serving as a sunroof and an entrance to the top of the RV.

The genins had already spread out in the vehicle as it started off on the road, dropping their baggage in the storage compartment, which conveniently lead to the container on the outside of the RV.

--

The members of Team Seven along with Ino were up in the second floor. Sakura and Ino were busy fighting over Sasuke, while he drank a can of cola, which was part of a six-pack he stole from the fridge.

"Ooh, what's in this video tape?" Naruto asked himself curiously, holding up an unlabeled rectangular black box of sorts.

"Put it in," Sasuke said, shifting himself slightly closer to one TV with a built in VCR. "Let's see what it's all about."

"Who the hell uses VHS anymore, I tell ya'…" Naruto mumbled as he pushed the tape into the receiver, turning on the TV it was connected to in the process.

--

"OMIGAWD WHAT THE HELL!?" At the sudden outbursts up above, Kurenai tapped Asuma on the shoulder.

"Yeah yeah, I know, they found my porno. I'll take care of it. Kakashi, you're up." Asuma switched places with the silver haired Jounin and made his way up to the four screaming genins.

As Kakashi was driving, he turned to Kurenai. "Say Kurenai, how'd you two manage to buy this thing with our lousy ninja pay?"

"Oh, you've got it all wrong. _I_ bought this. Me. Remember that time I won the lottery? My winnings went to this thing."

Kakashi turned back to the road. "…I see."

"Yes, and he still owes me. Considering I didn't actually want this thing, you know…"

"……" Kakashi kept his eyes on the road as Asuma slid down the ladder, slipping a certain video tape into his back pocket.

"Yeah, so uh, lemme have the wheel back, Kakashi."

"How'd it go?"

"Fine… just… fine."

--

Meanwhile, up on the second floor, Sakura was poking Ino, who had passed out due to blood loss, with a twig that had come out of nowhere. Sasuke was still pinching the bridge of his nose, trying to prevent cola from spewing out from his nostrils, and Naruto had his hands over his eyes, repeatedly asking, "Is it over yet?" since he ended up sneezing at the last minute before the tape started up, and didn't bother to look at the screen when the rest of the genins on the floor screamed.

--

"So, what's the plan, Kakashi? How's this little vacation thing going to down?" Jiraiya was sitting at one of the tables with Kakashi leaning on it.

"Well, obviously, we're hitting the beach first—we'll just park right at the beach itself, then we'll drive up to the nearby mountains and go hiking…"

"And then?"

"And we haven't planned that far."

"Oh, I see, I see…" Jiraiya drifted off, spotting Anko resting her head on the opposite table. "…She's not too shabby. They're… what, 86cm maybe? More or less, that's not too bad…"

"……"

--

Believing the worst had passed over, Naruto stood on his knees with his eyes shut and stretched his arms forward into something fleshy… and round.

"Naruto," Ino said sweetly. She apparently got up at the same time as he did. "GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY CHEST!"

"GO GET 'ER NARUTO! I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!" Jiraiya shouted from down below.

"IGNORE HIM, NARUTO!" Kakashi yelled afterwards.

The other blond opened his eyes. He pulled back immediately and embarrassedly braced himself for the one-sided fight of his life—obviously in favor of Ino, when suddenly the RV jumped up a bit, forcing the girl into Naruto, who caught her in his arms. They fell on top of one another onto the cushioned floor as the RV hit the ground. Their foreheads clonked together, knocking them unconscious.

Sakura, next to Sasuke, who had failed in trying to prevent cola from coming out his nose and as a result passed out, had watched the scene unfold and was looking at Ino's body on top of Naruto's. She rubbed her chin in thought, as if stroking a beard. _Hm, I've got an idea…_ Then she proceeded to laugh evilly while twirling a newly formed, imaginary mustache.

--

"What the hell was that, Asuma?"

"Err, sorry about that, everyone! It was a bump in the road!"

"A really _big _bump in the road, apparently."

"Yep… A really big bump, so big… biggity-big-big-big…"

"Yeah, a bump as big as your probability of contracting lung cancer in the next few years. DAMN, THAT'S HUGE!"

"Hey… Mr. Ciggy and I find that very offensive…"

--

"GAH!" Neji's muffled voice screeched, "WHY AM I IN THE REFRIGERATOR ALL OF A SUDDEN!?"

"SUCCESS!" Kiba cried, giving 'high-fives' to Akamaru and the rest of the genin (and one chuunin) boys on that floor. _Now I can make a move on Hinata without that bastard Neji spoiling my every— _"HEY, SHINO! WHAT THE HELL? THAT WAS MY CALL! I CALLED IT! I CALLED THIS CHANCE!"

His bug using teammate held Hinata from falling to the ground. The shy Hyuuga was somewhat flustered—due to Ino's outburst, and thanked Shino coyly, much to Kiba's dismay._ Damn Shino, taking advantage of the situation…_ "You know what, Shino? I'm gonna get your laptop and look up PORN!"

"…What the hell?"

"What's looking up porn gonna do to his computer?"

"Do it, son! Make Jiraiya-sama proud! RAVISH THAT COMPUTER!" Jiraiya was grinning, tears streaming down his face dramatically.

"Ugh, goddamn you, Jiraiya…" Kakashi mumbled, slapping his forehead.

"Man, how troublesome," Shikamaru grumbled from his spot on the floor, potato chips all over his body. Chouji was eating each chip off him, much to the disgust of the other males, who 'eww'ed in response.

"What? I can't waste food like this!" Chouji pleaded, popping another chip in his mouth.

"Uh, okay Chouji, whatever floats your boat…" Kiba trailed off, digging through the RV's storage compartment.

Suddenly, he fell into the loads of baggage. "I didn't do it," Shino told him monotonously, shutting the hatch.

Kiba banged on the metal, screaming vehemently, "I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS, BUGSY! I'LL GET YOUUU!!" At that moment, he realized that Akamaru was still in the RV itself. "AKAMARU, GET HIM FOR ME!"

"ARF!"

"YEAH!" Kiba pumped a fist into the air. He took a whiff of the air. "Oh no… is that… Kibbles N' Bits—NO! DON'T FALL FOR IT AKAMARU, DON'T FALL FOR ITS TRICKS AND LIES!" He could hear a faint munching in the air.

_This must be karma. _Kiba thought as he slumped lifelessly into the various bags. He stretched his arms into the air, going into as dramatic a pose as possible and cried, "NOOOOO!" for various reasons.

--

"Chouji… why in Sam Hill are you eating _dog food_?" Shikamaru pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to grasp the situation as his best friend stuffed a handful of Kibbles N' Bits into his mouth.

"Because—MUNCH—it's delicious and nutritious!"

"ARF!"

"See, Akamaru agrees with me!"

"That's because he's a dog." Shikamaru said bluntly, pointing at said dog.

"Oh yeah, well… um… MUNCH!"

"Ugh…"

"WE'LL GET YOU OUT OF THERE, NEJI! BELIEVE IN US! BELIEVE!" Lee was currently trying to pry the refrigerator door open with Tenten, but to no avail.

"Guys, Kiba crazy-glued that door shut, you know…" Shikamaru stated, laying a bunch of playing cards out onto one of the tables for a game of solitaire.

Lee and Tenten were slack jawed. "WHAT?!" They cried in unison, just as the sound of an explosion erupted through the air.

"What a convenient explosion," Tenten added abruptly.

"Don't worry my youthful students! I shall tear this door open and save your adorable teammate!" Gai appeared between them, giving them the 'nice guy' pose.

"YOU DID NOT JUST CALL ME THAT, GAI-SENSEI!" Neji screamed from inside the refrigerator, the quality of his voice suggesting that he was freezing cold.

"HAHAHA! But I _did_ just call you that, Neji!" Gai placed his hands on the hinges of the door. "Stand back, for what you are about to see is the power… OF YOUTH!"

Everyone else except for Lee, Kakashi and Jiraiya shielded their eyes for some reason. But… nothing happened. Gai pulled on the door once more. It was sealed tight.

"Hmm! Crazy Glue is a worthy adversary indeed!" Gai cupped his chin, staring intently at the door.

"Yeah, Kiba glued the hinges, too." Shikamaru said as he remade the solitaire game.

Kakashi shook his head. "Power of youth my ass."

"UOOO! Such a hip way to detest my power of youth, Kakashi!"

"Whatever."

"UOOO!"

* * *

Behind every RV is a bus.

Not really. But there truly was a bus trailing right behind the Konoha ninjas. And it was covered with a huge, black blanket which had red clouds decorating each side.

How the driver was able to navigate the roads like such was a great mystery.

--

"WHY IS THIS FUCKING BUS SO GODDAMN DARK!?"

"Nobody's complaining. Except you…"

"FUCK YOU, KAKUZU! I'D KICK YOUR ASS IF I COULD SEE WHERE YOU WERE!"

"You're lucky you're immortal, Hidan…"

"Leader-sama, where are we going, un?"

"The beach."

"Ooh, the beach? Goodie, goodie! Sand art!"

"Don't think we're going for leisurely purposes—we'll actually be discussing what plan of action we'll be taking in the next few years, seeing that Itachi's brother has been taken back by Konoha."

"Aw, I wanted to take a dip!"

"Well too bad, Kisame."

"Yeah, too bad, Kisame! Un!"

"Shaddap, you effeminate jackass!"

"Grumble, grumble, grumble… you're lucky I don't feel like blowing anything up today…"

"You're lucky I don't feel like sticking my sword up your haughty bunghole."

"Ugh! I feel insulted! Leader-sama, Kisame's insulting me!"

"Both of you, shut up. You're acting like children. And don't give me that 'But we _are_ children! …On the _inside_!' excuse."

"Aw, un…"

"Damn, I was gonna use that one, too…"

"By the way, who's driving this thing?"

"Zetsu."

"But I'm right here."

"…I see."

"OH SHI—"

* * *

Behind every bus is a station wagon.

Once again, not really. But truth be told, there was a station wagon right behind that bus. An _old _station wagon. So old, it was blowing smoke out its keister.

How anyone could still be driving such a thing was a mystery beyond all compare.

--

"What the hell is this bus driver doing? Is he drunk? He's swerving back and forth!" Orochimaru rasped from the back seat, still in bandages from the body switch he made.

Suddenly, said bus veered off the lane and into the lane of the opposite direction, crashing into a tanker trunk and causing a rather powerful explosion. "Well, it's gone now!" chirped Kabuto, who was driving the old hunk of junk. He sped up a bit, just behind some RV.

Orochimaru stuck his head out the window and screamed at the piling vehicles, "SERVES YOU RIGHT!" Pulling back in, he asked, "So Kabuto, where are we going?"

"The beach, Orochimaru-sama. The radiant sun is good for your complexion, you know."

"But I _burn,_ Kabuto! I don't tan!"

"Oh well then, you'll just have to deal!"

"Ugh… Kabuto, sometimes I can't tell if you're on my side or not."

* * *

Hinata poked her head through the opening of the second floor, feeling the need to check up on the four genin who were up there, and most of all, Naruto. She found Sakura asleep next to Sasuke, who was covered in cola. There was also a six pack of cola cans right next to him.

What she found next shocked her the most.

--

That day, Ino decided to wear a sky blue, knee-length skirt with a purple tank top—a longer variation of what she usually wore. Little did she know that that would be her undoing, what with getting herself knocked out and piling on top of Naruto. Not to mention it happened right in front of her best friend and rival, Sakura.

Said pink-haired girl crept up to the two blondes after her maniacal cackling fit—due to the commotion on the first floor, they couldn't hear her—and slipped Naruto's right arm up Ino's skirt, positioning his hand somewhere very… well, inappropriate. She then lifted Ino up a bit and with a hint of disgust on her face—or regret, if you will—jammed the blonde's left hand into Naruto's nether regions.

Sakura… had committed a very bad deed that day. So bad, that she decided to 'fall asleep' and wait for some unsuspecting person to come up there and see her masterpiece.

--

And that unsuspecting person just happened to be Hinata.

The Hyuuga girl was flaming red in embarrassment, and slowly made her way back down the ladder. She walked over to where Shikamaru was playing solitaire and took her place opposite him. She remained there and maintained her silence for the remainder of the trip.

--

_MWAHAHA! With Ino and Naruto too flustered with each other to focus on Sasuke and I… can't finish this thought because it's just TOO AWESOME! AHAHAHA!_

--

For the rest of the trip, Sakura fell asleep for real, Sasuke was still passed out, Naruto jerked his hand upwards, making Ino moan and squeeze _something_, and the rest of the happenings on that floor were history, really.

Hinata remained silent, but somehow ended up playing Old Maid with Shikamaru. Chouji had some quality time with Akamaru, sharing Kibbles N' Bits with the nin-dog. Shino somehow managed to just stand in the middle of the RV, maintaining his balance even when it lurched every now and then.

Tenten and Kakashi were annoyed by Lee, Gai and Jiraiya for the entire trip, and Asuma experienced Kurenai's mood swings. As for Anko, she stayed asleep the whole time.

--

Eventually, the RV came to a stop.

"Okay guys, we're here!" Asuma announced through his megaphone.

Kurenai snatched the megaphone away from him and screamed, "YEAH, GET THE HELL OUT, YA' FREELOADING BASTARDS!" which effectively made everyone deaf.

"Dammit, Kurenai!" Asuma took the megaphone back, glaring at his fiancée. "You and your stupid mood swings…"

--

"Ugh, what the he—" Ino found herself on top of Naruto, who was still out cold. It wasn't long before she noticed where their hands were.

Sakura, half-asleep, slid the sunroof window open just in time for her blond teammate to be launched through the outlet.

--

Sasuke, just woken up, had taken the opportunity to climb out onto the rooftop to take in the fresh sea breeze. Upon stretching his arms, two articles of clothing fell on him.

"…Naruto's clothes…?"

--

"It's somewhat of an ungodly phenomenon that it happened," Kakashi drawled. "The glue melted and froze at the same time and just… well, broke."

"Why ungodly…?"

"Why a phenomenon…?"

"Never mind," Kakashi dismissed their strange looks with a wave. "All that matters is Neji's safe and sound…"

"Frozen goods… Aisle Neji." Kiba said slowly in a withering voice, having just gotten out of the luggage compartment, known to him as prison.

"Sh-Shut up, doggy! It's your fault I w-was nearly cryogenically f-fr-frozen!" Neji spat in his direction. A pink towel—that was apparently his—draped his shoulders.

"Yeah yeah, whatever you say…" Kiba turned in Hinata's direction as Neji was carried off by Lee, followed by Tenten.

_Argh, she beat me… again._ Shikamaru dropped his hand into the pile, scrounging the cards up together. "Good game. Let's play again some time, Hinata," He said with a smile.

"Yes, let's!" Hinata returned his smile, getting up from the table.

Looking up from his cards, Shikamaru saw Kiba pointing at him. His mouth was opening and closing again and again in disbelief and jealousy. "…What is it?"

"Y-Y-You! Not you too, Shikamaru! I'll have to get you as well! Grr!" Kiba shouted weakly, storming off as he finished.

"……"

--

"Heeey, Ino-_chan_! So, how did it feel?" Sakura twitched her best friend's elbow, trying to foster whatever feelings the blonde girl might have for Naruto lurking in the back of her mind (in the most immoral way possible, mind you).

"Don't call me –chan," Ino grunted. Her face was still burning from the traumatizing experience she had had with Naruto. "And it's far too embarrassing to talk about and you'd only make it worse, forehead!"

Sakura giggled, irritating Ino further. Smoke began to rise from the top of the blonde's head. _MWAHAHAHA! SEX! Oh uh, sorry—SUCCESS!_

--

Sasuke took a seat on the ground, placing a cooler right beside him. As if on cue, Naruto came crashing down on him from the sky, burying them both in the sand.

"I see you've come… prepared, Naruto…" The Uchiha rasped painfully, noting his teammate's only clothing being a pair of multicolored swimming trunks.

--

"And then she—"

"LALALALALA, I can't hear you! LALALALALA!" Kakashi covered his ears as Anko went on about her erotic adventures with the same sex, while Jiraiya was listening intently for informational purposes.

--

"Behold, youthful ones! I have taken some tables with me for you to eat on!" Gai exclaimed enthusiastically, summoning two picnic tables from scrolls on the sand near the genins and one chuunin, who were on top of a slope several yards away from the shoreline. He was still wearing his flak vest and such, everyone noted in relief.

Just as the eccentric Jounin was about to strip himself naked and proclaim, "Behold, the beauty of youth!" Kakashi put a hand on his shoulder.

"Gai," Kakashi's eyes were smiling. "Please, for the sake of all that is pure, wear this leotard."

The beautiful green beast of Konoha waved him off. "No Kakashi, for the sake of all that is youthful, I shall have everyone bear witness to my loins!" He gripped the pouches of his vest with a valiant look on his face.

"Everyone, prepare for Armageddon," Kiba announced, shielding his eyes with his arm. Everyone else except for Lee did the same, whose eyes were sparkling in anticipation.

"BEHOLD! THIS IS WHAT MAKES A MAN—A MAN!" Gai's body glowed brightly, a blinding, white hot light emanating from his body.

"GAI-SENSEI!" Lee started for his mentor, eyes shut.

"LEE!" They began to close the gap between each other.

"GAI-SENS—"

"Oh no, you don't. No need to blind anymore innocent people," Kakashi stated, holding them at bay and somehow placing the green leotard on Gai. He also threw a kunai at the sunset background which was frozen due to Gai and Lee being stopped in the midst of their hugging session. For some reason, it just exploded.

Kakashi sighed at his rival. "Geez, Gai. Learn some self-restraint…"

Gai was tearing up. "B-But it was my adorable student's fault!"

"You've no one to blame but yourself, Gai." Gai hung his head in shame at this.

Lee sniffled. "I-I got Gai-sensei into trouble! I have shamed his name! To regain my honor, I shall swim to that island on the horizon and back five hundred times!" He ran off at light speed and into the seawater.

"What island?" Sakura asked. Ino, who was sitting next to her at one of the tables, shrugged.

"Bet you five bucks he'll get it done," Kiba, who was sitting on top of the incline leading down to the shore along with the other genin (and one chuunin) boys, waved a five dollar bill in front of Shino.

"……"

"I take it you accept?"

"GAI-SENSEI, SAVE ME! I CAN'T SWIM!"

"I'M COMING, LEE!"

Shino extended a hand towards his teammate. With an exasperated sigh, Kiba slapped the bill into his hand. "Goddammit…"

"Huh," Naruto raised an eyebrow at the frantic Lee in the water. "I never knew Bushy Brows couldn't swim!"

"Yeah," Sasuke took a sip out of his can of cola. "A Taijutsu expert like that…"

"SOMEONE HELP! I CAN'T SWIM EITHER!"

Neji slapped his forehead, and Tenten turned her back to her teammate and sensei in embarrassment. Kakashi shook his head, making his way towards the two pitiful Bruce Lee lookalikes.

"Man, that's just sad," Naruto mumbled.

"Then again, we probably shouldn't be having such high expectations of them in the first place. Let them just… surprise us in time." Sasuke finished off the remainder of cola in his can, and reached for another.

"Yeah, you're probably right."

"No Naruto, I _am_ right."

"Sigh," Kakashi buried his face in one hand. "I guess I can't count on you for watching over these kids by yourself, huh? Oh well, luckily for you, I brought Jiraiya-sama and Anko with me."

"Hey, why doesn't my name get a suffix?"

"…What was that? Oh, I'm sorry, I can't hear you clearly."

"HEY!"

"Uh, sensei?"

"Yes, Naruto?"

"Since you're saying you can't something-something watch over us, where are _you_ going? And what about Kurenai-sensei and Asuma-sensei?"

"Oh, well," Kakashi snapped his fingers, making his clothes disappear in clouds of smoke. The smoke cleared to reveal some dark blue, skin tight swim gear with lavender stripes along the sides of each limb. His mask also clung to his face a bit strongly now, and his forehead protector was replaced by a black headband. An eye patch covered his left eye in place of the forehead protector. "The three of us are going scuba-diving."

"Ooh," everyone else except those who already knew or figured it out gasped.

"Snake?" Naruto and Sasuke asked in unison—though the latter asked in a lower voice—to no one in particular. Then they nodded at each other sagely.

"Oh God, no." Kakashi started to rub his temples.

"Snake! SNAKE!" Now the rest of the boys along with Tenten, Ino and Anko, with the exception of Shino, who was just staying silent for the heck of it, Neji , who didn't want to get caught up in such childish antics, and Lee, who didn't know what was going on for the life of him.

"Boys, girls and Anko, please—"

"SNAAAAAKE!" The boys and three women screamed, possibly causing some sort of wind related natural disaster overseas in the near future.

"…" Everyone's ears were ringing from the extremely loud outburst. Kakashi, the first one to recover, noticed a motorboat in the distance and waved at it.

"Since that's over and done with, I'll be seeing you guys." Kakashi bid them goodbye and leapt into the water. He swam out to sea, halfway to Asuma and Kurenai's motorboat—summoned, courtesy of a scroll—and turned around. He cupped his mouth, "BY. THE. WAY. I. MIGHT. HAVE. SILVER. HAIR. BUT. I'M. NOT. THAT. OLD!"

With that, he water-walked his way over to the boat.

"Lazy," Shikamaru mumbled hypocritically, stretching out on the sand.

"…You guys," Tenten admonished, referring to Gai and Lee. "Can learn a lot from him."

Gai and Lee bowed their heads in shame, shivering under the towels they were covered with.

After that, everyone was left to their own devices.

"So Sasuke," Naruto whispered in Sasuke's ear, covering his mouth with the back of his hand. "How's that creepy Anko lady treating you?"

"Eh, she's indifferent to me, but gets all murderer-like when talking about Orochimaru and whatnot." Sasuke replied nonchalantly, making hand gestures as a demonstration.

"Oh, that's weird…" Naruto commented.

Sasuke raised an eyebrow at him. "How so?"

"Well, remember that time in the Chuunin Exams, right before the Forest of Death?"

"Uh-huh."

"Yeah so I said something I can't remember right now 'cos it's not important, and she threw a kunai at me and popped up right behind me and licked my blood and stuff. You remember that, right?"

"I guess."

"Don't you think that's weird?"

"Not at all. You're just… special, is all."

"…But isn't that weird!?"

"No, it isn't. Trust me." Sasuke said through his teeth, grimly noting that his purple-haired teacher was sitting right next to his blond friend, waiting for the right moment to pounce.

* * *

"…How we got here from that explosion is a physical anomaly," Zetsu (Black) croaked, wholly planting himself in the sand.

"Aw, just deal with it! It's a way of life!" Zetsu (White) argued.

"Yay!" Tobi plopped himself on the ground and started swerving his limbs in arcs. "Look, Deidara-senpai, Sasori-senpai! I'm making a sand angel!"

Sasori smiled faintly. "Good for you, Tobi."

"Yak, yak, yak!" Deidara grumbled in annoyance, gingerly patting his masterpiece of a sandcastle. It was the first tier of what appeared to be a rectangular pagoda. It might have been incomplete, but it was impressive nonetheless.

Itachi sauntered over to the gathering of Akatsuki members and looked over Deidara's sandcastle, noticing a glint in his colleague's eye. _He must want me to acknowledge it…_

Deidara's eyebrow twitched slightly. _Acknowledge it, you indifferent bastard! Acknowledge it!_

_I guess I'll spare him the humiliation…_ Itachi bore his eyes into the intricate clump of sand. "…It's nice."

All of the Akatsuki members stopped what they were doing, and gawked at the stoic Uchiha, as if the world was coming to an end.

Tobi shifted his gaze between Itachi and Deidara. "What's going on?"

Zetsu leaned into the clueless man. "Itachi never says anything about Deidara's art. It's supposed to be like a running gag or something."

Tobi nodded his head understandingly. "Ah, I see, I see… What's a running gag?"

The missing Grass-nin shook his head at him. "I think it'd just be better to _show_ you…"

* * *

"Itachi," Deidara called out to said Uchiha, who just happened to be passing through his workshop. "Come, look at my art and tell me what you think about it, un."

Itachi nodded. "Fair enough."

It was a clay sculpture of Itachi himself. Deidara had gotten everything right, down to the finest detail.

Itachi stared and stared at his mirror image. Eventually, Deidara had fallen asleep. When he woke up the next day, Itachi was gone. The hotshot artist's eyebrow twitched.

"GODDAMMIT!" Deidara punched his sculpture square in the face, not realizing that he had… "Shit, un."

…Blown himself up.

--

The next day…

"Itachi," Deidara called out to said Uchiha, who just happened to be passing through his workshop... again. "Come, look at my art and tell me what you think about it, un."

Itachi nodded just like last time. "Fair enough."

It was a clay sculpture of Itachi's foolish little brother, Sasuke. Deidara had yet again proven himself to be an artist attentive to detail.

Itachi had a glazed look in his eyes. Eventually, Deidara noticed that he had activated his Mangekyo Sharingan. "Tsukuyomi."

Deidara's eyebrow twitched as he watched Itachi leave without another word. "Hey, aren't you going to say anything about it, un!?"

Ten seconds later, the sculpture…

…Blew a hole in the workshop's wall.

--

The day after that…

"Itachi," Deidara called out to said Uchiha, who just happened to be passing through his workshop... yet _again_. "Come, look at my art and tell me what you think about it, un."

Itachi nodded just as he did the first time and the time after that. "Fair enough."

It was a clay sculpture of Itachi's partner, Kisame. Deidara, attention to detail, congratulations.

Itachi stared at it for some time. Eventually, Itachi took it with him and left Deidara alone. The fanciful artist was speechless. His eyebrow twitched. _Did he like it or not!?_

As if right on time, all of his clay creations in the room…

…Blew up, taking the whole workshop with them.

--

The day after the last day…

"Itachi," Deidara weakly called out to said Uchiha, who just happened to be passing through his rebuilt workshop... at the exact same time as the last three freaking days. "Come, look at my art and tell me what you think about it, un."

Itachi nodded for the umpteenth time and said his line like the good weasel he was. "Fair enough."

It was a clay sculpture of Deidara himself. Out of all the sculptures he had shown Itachi, this one seemed to have had the most effort put into it.

Itachi didn't bother looking at the sculpture, remembering to give something back to the blond. "Here," the Uchiha stuck his hand out to him, revealing a small ball of clay. "Kisame had some fun with it." With that, Itachi left.

Deidara stared at the clay in his hand, motionlessly. Eventually, he realized that Itachi had left without even a glance at his sculpture! His eyebrow twitched, as always. "HEY! THAT'S NOT FUNNY, ITACHI! ONE DAY, YOU'LL ACKNOWLEDGE MY WORK, WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!"

Deidara shouted and screamed incoherently for the rest of the day.

When he finally stopped…

…He blew up.

* * *

"Oh! _Now_ I get it…" Tobi nodded, to Zetsu's relief. "But I still don't know what a running gag is!"

"…Never mind," The white part of his face said. "You'll learn about it when you get older…"

"And finally die," The black part added, grinning sinisterly. "MUHAHAHAHA!"

"Okay! I'll go and die then so I can learn what a running gag is!" Then Tobi turned to Zetsu in confusion. "How do I die?"

"Ugh, it's hopeless!" Both sides of Zetsu's face were in agreement about something for once.

"What's hopeless, Zetsu-senpai?" Tobi tugged at the plant man's sleeve. He was unresponsive, trying to ignore the masked ninja. "TELL MEEEE! SENPAIII!"

Back to the original subject of interest…

He was in shock. Deidara couldn't believe that Itachi had at last acknowledged his artwork. _I can't believe he acknowledged my work! At last!_

Pupils dilated, knees wobbly and chest heaving dramatically, Deidara stared into Itachi's eyes, trying to read him.

Itachi himself was deep in thought. _Oh no, now he'll misunderstand me and start showing me structures of the feudal era from now on. I better say something—_

_I understand now._ "Itachi! I know now that you like structures of the feudal era, un! Please, stick around so I can further lavish my creative juices on this masterpiece of mine!"

"What?"

"Be quiet, Tobi. They're having a moment here."

"Yes, Zetsu-senpai!"

…_Shit._ Itachi cursed mentally. _There must be a way out of this… Ah. That's right, I'm not a S-rank ninja for nothing…_

* * *

"Hey, cook me a hot dog next, Bush-sensei!" Kiba barked with a hot dog bun in hand.

"Hey, cook me a real dog next, Bruce-san!" Chouji held Akamaru up.

"I told you before, Chouji," Kiba's fist trembled. "BACK THE FUCK OFF OF AKAMARU!" He cried valiantly, giving the big-boned fellow a mean right hook to the face, knocking him out instantly.

"Winner: Inuzuka Kiba by a long shot!" Naruto cheered, catching Ino's eye in the distance. She scoffed at him and cocked her head to the side haughtily. The foxy blond boy clenched and shook his fist at her, muttering, "Why, that Ino! What's up her… whatever it is? Imma' give her a piece of my mind when I get off this line!"

"I'd pay to see that," Sasuke commented, taking another swig of what appeared to be his twentieth can of cola.

"What'd you say?"

"What? I didn't say anything."

"Oh… hey, isn't that like, your twentieth can or something?"

"Yes, the narrative already said that."

"The what?"

"What? I didn't say anything."

"Oh…"

"I worry about you, Naruto."

"I worry about me, too…" Naruto lamented. He was in a cold sweat. Not because of the heat, but because of a rather ominous feeling hanging over his head. That, and Anko had placed her hands on his shoulders, breathing down his neck, aiming for a second shot at his pants (yeah, the first attempt failed).

--

Shikamaru, floating on the water near the shore in a purple dinosaur tube, looked up from his book. It seemed as though someone, or some_thing_ else was in the water besides him. But he paid it no mind and resumed his reading.

A few bubbles rose to the surface. He looked again, only to see his reflection in the water, as clear as day. He decided to ignore it once more.

The water under him seemed to heave. He looked again, only he was more alert this time around. Nothing seemed to be wrong… He turned back to his book once again—but wait!

Shikamaru was no longer in the water. But he was _on_ a…

"G-G-GIANT ENEMY CRAB!?"

* * *

**END Chapter One – Thursday, July 10, 2008 – But what happened to that dastardly Orochimaru?**

**Who really gives a crap? Here's an extra scene… or two.**

* * *

Kakashi sighed at his reflection. Due to Kurenai's constant mood swings, she couldn't be relied on to pull her colleagues out of the water, should they need it. Because Kakashi didn't want to risk his life by diving down into the depths below with a crazy woman like Kurenai, he decided to stay onboard the S.S. Asuma, which was—you guessed it—named after her owner's husband.

Yeah, Kurenai paid for this one, too.

After all, who except for Asuma could face down the womanly wrath of an angry genjutsu user like Kurenai? So there he was, on the bow with his lonesome self. Not expecting a tug on the chakra ropes they were attached to anytime soon, the copy ninja walked into the cabin. Maybe there would be something entertaining to watch.

After all, Asuma _did_ have his fair share of porno videos.

He shuffled through the pile of video tapes sitting on the floor near the TV. Nothing of interest really caught his eye. "Man Asuma, you sure are old fashioned… Damn VHS…" But then, out the corner of his eye, he spotted something that he never got a chance to watch. "I-I-ICHA ICHA PARADISE!? WITH PRINCESS YUKIE ACTING AS THE HEROINE!?"

Kakashi held the black rectangle up like it was the Holy Grail. "I'VE SEEN THE SEQUELS BUT I'VE NEVER, _EVER_ GOTTEN TO SEE THIS ONE! Tickets were always, _always_ sold out at _anytime_ I tried to catch this movie! Video tapes and DVDs, too!" He kissed it through his mask. "But now… but now I've GOT IT, RIGHT IN THE PALM OF MY HAND!"

In a perverted fury, Kakashi jammed the tape into the VCR and flipped the TV on, his eyes sparkling as radiantly as stars in the night sky. After the ANBU warning of duplicating the tape, the movie started abruptly.

Kakashi could hardly contain himself as the interlude started up. After awhile, he noticed that the hero of the story looked vaguely like… no, that's just not right! "Must be this Icha Icha Overload I'm having…" He said to himself as he shook his head.

But when he got around to one of the dirty scenes of the movie, he noticed, "Oh my, that really _does_ look like—"

"_Ooh, Naruto!"_

Kakashi felt his Sharingan eye deactivate itself for the first time in… forever. "OH. MY. GOD."

At that moment, he saw something rise up in the distance. "Naruto did the hanky-panky with that bombshell of a princess—slash—actor, _and_ there's a GIANT ENEMY CRAB at the beach!?"

--

Asuma was backed up against a reef. He gulped, "Now honey, you don't want to do this…"

"YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, _SWEETY_," Kurenai's voice was laced with venom. Her eyes were bloodshot in anger, and even worse—she had taken ahold of her fiancé's trench knives and was planning to kill him so dead that even his ghost would die. "BECAUSE I AM MY OWN WOMAN!"

_Oh crap, here comes the Woman speech. _Asuma swallowed hard. _Great, an annoying sermon about… _something_, right before I die. This is the last thing _anyone—_except for a woman—wants to hear before they die!_

Kurenai decided to skip the speech and end it now, something Asuma was afraid she'd really do. Just as she laid the killing blow, an invisible string tugged at her and Asuma's scuba gear. Then it became stronger. And stronger. Until it pulled them forward, saving Asuma and sparing Kurenai the regret of killing her would-be husband during her period.

_Thank you, Kakashi._ Asuma prayed silently. _I thank you with all my heart._


End file.
